Vivian at 2 months

We had Vivian's two month check-up yesterday (actually she was one day shy of 10 weeks). Dr. Ben confirmed that she is perfect -- which we already knew. It was exciting to learn that she is now 11 pounds, 12 ounces (that is a slight cheat since I fed her right before we saw him. Had I not, she probably would have been about 4 ounces less. Regardless, she is still obviously growing and gaining well). She is also quite long now at 23 1/2 inches.

Good job growing, Vivi!! I am very proud.

To Vivian, two months old

Dear Vivian,

Welcome to the family. We are so happy and honored to be the people who have the privilege of watching you grow up and seeing what your amazing life will bring. By now you must know your birth story which was pretty extraordinary. Daddy and I were very impressed (and I was quite shocked) that you actually came on your due date. If you continue to be so prompt, your father will be very happy. He deserves a girl in his life who is always on time.

From the moment you came home with us, Stella was so excited to have you. She would run into the apartment when she came home from school and rush to wash her hands so she could come and play with you. She particularly loves to hold you and rock you when you are upset. Amazingly, you almost always calm down in her presence. Daddy and I are so happy that you guys have each other and always will. It seems really special to have a sister and I am so happy for both of you. One day early on, Stella was attaching the bar with toys and music to your bouncy seat but did it wrong and it fell and hit you on the head. You started to cry and then she burst into hysterics. She was so upset to have caused you pain and she ended up crying for much much longer than you. It was really sweet to see how sad she got especially since we had been warned that she might try to hurt you and to be careful about leaving you two alone. We do not have that problem. She is actually your greatest caretaker and is so proud of herself when she can make you stop crying or comfort you. She loves to hold you and carry you which can be a little nerve wracking although she is very good at it and very careful. Rest assured, that as younger children ourselves, Daddy and I have your back and won't let your big sis push you around too much. She is a tough one, though, so watch out.

A little while after we (finally) settled on your name, we decided to bake a cake and have an official welcoming party. Stella did most of the icing herself and was very excited about it.
The next day was Halloween and you were a ladybug in a homemade costume. Your not-very-crafty Mama is pretty proud of herself for having made your costume including knitting a hat for you in only three (count 'em!) days.

Daddy and I are pretty pleased with ourselves now as we think we have finally figured you out. You don’t seem to like any discomfort so we have to be quick to change your diaper. You like to be held a lot and you cry hysterically whenever you are overtired. For awhile Daddy and I could not figure out what that hard crying was all about but then I went to a seminar on sleep where I learned that you should never be awake for longer than 2 or 2 ½ hours and we realized that your crying was often due to a need for sleep. Since we learned that things have been much more manageable. Even when you are crying, though, there is something in your face, in your eyes, in your demeanor that is so sweet. We feel bad because your whole being just looks so sad and sometimes your bottom lip quivers. But it still feels really special to hold you. You are so warm and cuddly. Everyone thinks so.

You absolutely love the bath. As soon as you hear the water running, you become very peaceful and you will hang out with me or Daddy in the tub for as long as we keep you in there. Taking a bath with you has become a vital part of our evening ritual. Usually Daddy takes you in the tub and then I get you out, get into bed and feed you, swaddle you as tightly as possible and put you down in the bassinet. Last night (November 30), you slept your longest stretch so far – 8:30pm – 4:30am. You love the bath, yes, but you hate the pacifier. It is very shocking for us to have a baby who doesn’t take to that little sucking device since our older daughter had such a passionate love affair with them. We keep trying to get you to take one – and sometimes you do for a short time – but mostly you spit them out in disgust. You have, however, found your thumb which you seem to enjoy sucking along with your whole fist which sometimes finds its way into your mouth.

You make the cutest faces and smile a lot. In fact, you also are the smiliest baby I have ever seen. You were smiling – seemingly in response to people – by about five weeks. And now, at nine weeks, you do it all the time. In fact, one of the mom’s from our group whose son is exactly the same age commented to the sleep seminar lady that "Jonah doesn’t smile nearly as much as Vivian." You've set the standard for smiley baby. I cannot describe the feeling I get when I look at you and your face breaks out into a huge grin. It is just magic.

Before you got here, I was a little nervous about what it would be like to bring someone new into our family. I was really excited to have a baby again and very excited for Stella to have a sister and for us to have another daughter. But I was also worried about how you would fit in and what it would be like to go back to the baby phase and how Stella would deal with it all and how I would. Honestly, we had gotten to such an easy, lovely place in our then-family that it was terrifying to upset it all and not know who was going to be joining us. But since you got here, it has just felt so right. As though someone was missing before and now we are complete. Daddy and I have been amazed to discover how great it feels even though we are so sleep deprived. Before we were a couple with a daughter but now we are really a family. Thanks.

We already love you so much.

Love,
Mommy

Dear Four Year Old

To Stella, 4.2!

Oh no! So much to write. I fully intended this letter to come only one month late – on September 27. I was sure I’d have the time to write it then as I was sitting on the couch monstrously pregnant with your past-due little sister. Instead, she decided to arrive promptly on her due date (much to my surprise) and the past month has been a whirlwind of sleepless nights, diapers, hand washing, re-naming (LONG STORY for another time), utter joy, baby blues and all the other things that have gone along with adjusting to the new, much-loved member of our “small family”. (You like to distinguish between your “small family” – me, Daddy, Vivian—and your “big family” which includes, Clara, Grandma and Grandpa, Steven and Sonya, all your Massachusettes relatives, Grandma Roz, etc.). Needless to say, I haven’t managed to get sit down and write to you and I’m kicking myself now because I really thought I’d have one more chance to write to my only daughter before you became my older daughter. And so even though I want to – and will – write all about Great Barrington, your birthday and the start of the school year, I have to work backwards here and write about your amazing little sister and what an absolute rock star big sister you have been since she arrived.



I can say with utter confidence that there has never been a little girl more excited to have a baby than you. Day after day as my pregnancy wore on, you asked with ever-growing exacerbation, “WHEN IS MY BABY GOING TO BE HERE???” Whenever anyone would stop me on the street to say “Congratulations,” you would immediately reply, “We’re getting a baby.” You kissed my stomach all the time and would talk to the little one inside. You just couldn’t wait for her to get here. On the morning of September 24 (her due date), Daddy took you to school because I was having light contractions. Until then, I had been taking you every day. When we decided I wouldn’t go that day – the bus did not seem very desirable – you started to protest until we told you that the baby might be coming that day and then you happily skipped off to school with Daddy. That night, I was still in labor when you came home and Grandpa came over to have dinner with us and to take you for a sleep-over. It was so nice to have you around until my contractions started getting more intense at which point I told Dad that you guys had to go. Daddy took you downstairs and put you in a taxi and the next time I saw you was after school the next day when you came to the hospital to meet your little sister. You were so happy and excited to see her and took to the role of big sis immediately. Since she has been home, you have been absolutely amazing. You have not exhibited one minute of resentment or jealousy. You are incredibly protective – making sure that everyone washes their hands before touching her and running to the sink yourself as soon as you get in the door. You love to push her in the swing, to carry her (this strikes a lot of fear in some people but I am very confident that you would never drop her and it makes you so happy to hold her), to rock her in her bouncy seat, to lie next to her and cuddle, to watch as we change her diaper, to bathe her – pretty much anything. You’ve assured me that you will always let her play with you and your friends if she wants to, that you will be there to help her get toys off a too-high shelf, etc. Vivian is so lucky to come into the world with such a great friend already. And thanks for making this transition so easy for all of us.

Now to backtrack…

We had a lot of fun in Great Barrington despite the onslaught of mosquitoes and the too cold swimming pool. You loved living in a house with Grandma and Grandpa, Steven and Sonya and especially Clara. You couldn’t wait to get up in the morning and go see if Clara was awake. You guys played hours upon hours of pretend games where you’d be two mommies with lots of babies and big sisters. You also loved to play Harry and Sally – where you were husband and wife (luckily Clara was excited to be the man replete with paper mustache, eyebrows and beard).


One morning, while you were playing, you were in the living room with Grandma and you couldn’t find Harry. You called for him a few times and then turned to Grandma and said, “Men are impossible!” We went to two art classes at the Norman Rockwell museum and you did a lot of projects with Sonya and Clara. You are lucky to have an aunt who is such a good teacher. She brought all kinds of paper and supplies and you seem to have found a love for art that you never really had before. As I mentioned, the swimming pool was a little cold so our time in it was somewhat limited but there were still some really good, wet times. And some scary ones. One afternoon, Daddy and I were in the shallow end of the pool. You went to walk around by the deep end to get something and you fell in the pool. Fortunately you were wearing your swim vest but you still went all the way under, swallowed some water and scared yourself and us. But you also have a really fast Daddy and he literally reached you within two seconds and scooped you up. As always, you were very resilient and only cried briefly. We had another big scare – or I did – early on in our stay in the Berkshires. Daddy went for a run and was late getting back. Because he is always so reliable, I knew right away that something was wrong. I was really upset and very worried. Sonya did a great job of keeping you and Clara busy and away from me so you didn’t get too scared. Daddy eventually found his way back (he had gotten very lost) but you kept asking me, “Why did you think Daddy got eaten by a wolf?” which was, indeed, one of the scenarios kicking around my brain during his absence. But back to the pool – your favorite thing to do was to take the crazy water blaster guns that we had and blast Grandpa. Then you would throw the guns into the pool and swim out to get them back while Grandpa chased you. It was very important that no one ever shoot you with a water gun but you loved to get other people wet. Except me. You were very protective of me so I felt very safe. There was a pond with lots of frogs right next to the pool. You, Dad and Clara did some frog exploring, catching them in your net and then letting them go. One day, there was a frog in the pool and you helped Grandpa get it out. You are already much braver than I am. Grandma Phyllis and Grandpa Joel came to visit us one day and you were so excited to see them. You couldn’t wait for them to arrive and then were on your very cutest, best behavior the whole time they were there. You loved to water the flowers and grass with the hose and to eat outside until the mosquitoes became impossible to bear. You loved to set the table outside and then man the screen door and not let anyone in or out without paying an imaginary toll with money or a credit card or a metro card.

Daddy told you that all he wanted for his birthday was for you to wake him up in the morning (also an excellent present for Mommy). I had been sleeping near the door and you were waking me up every morning. Then Daddy and I switched sides of the bed to see if maybe you would wake him up instead so that your tired, pregnant Mama could get some extra sleep. No dice. You walked around the bed to wake me, Smartypants. But on Daddy’s birthday, when you came into our room, you tapped him on the arm and said, “You. Come on .” He was very happy.
At night we had a party for Daddy complete with an ice cream cake.

We made a pilgrimage from Great Barrington to Williamstown one day which you were very enthusiastic about. You really wanted to go because you remembered that the grocery store in Williamstown had child sized grocery carts and you really wanted to push one. It was worth 40 minutes in the car (and almost nothing is worth a car ride of any length to you) to get to go around a supermarket and fill a cart yourself. You were all excited to bring one of your babies to push as well but shortly after we pulled out of the driveway you realized that you had left her at home. You were very sad until Daddy said that you could get a new doll at the toy store in Williamstown. This was kind of out of character for Dad – he is generally not one to over-indulge like that – and you were quite happy. We did, indeed, buy a new baby (the LAST THING IN THE WORLD YOU NEEDED AS YOU ALREADY HAVE ABOUT FIFTY) and then went to the grocery store. Imagine our surprise to discover that there was no place for babies in the little shopping carts. A few weeks later we discovered that the co-op supermarket in Great Barrington had child sized supermarket carts and you were always very enthusiastic to go grocery shopping. The house we were staying in came with a car that you could drive and you were pretty much a natural. It was particularly fun to watch you go in reverse.

We went to two art classes at the Norman Rockwell Museum.
At the first, you made a fantastic pig puppet out of a paper bag. At the second, which Clara also came to, you painted an unbelievable self portrait. I was really amazed by how far your art had come and how much the painting looked like you – big smile, yellow hair.

We ended up leaving Great Barrington a little early because the weather wasn’t great and the mosquitoes were killing us so we didn’t celebrate your birthday there. You were very clear with me and Daddy that you didn’t want to have a party with your friends. You wanted a family only party at home. Daddy and I asked you if we could please please please just invite our friend Danny but you emphatically insisted that you did not want anyone but family there and we respect this. We planned a brunch party at home on the weekend after your birthday and then all went to see “Ponyo” together. It was such a fun day and Daddy and I think you are right that small parties at home are the best.
On your actual birthday, we went to lunch at Café Cluny and to see “Click Clack Moo” at the Lortel with Grandma Helaine, Sonya and Clara. And then at night you, me and Daddy went to Artisinal for your first fondue experience which you absolutely loved. We sat at the special table in the cheese cave and had a fabulous time. At one point during dinner, you heard a bunch of people in the dining room singing happy birthday and your face was stricken with terror. You thought they were singing to you and panicked for a minute. We assured you that we would not let anyone sing to you and just did a quiet rendition of Happy Birthday ourselves when dessert came. You were pretty excited about turning four but even in the couple of days between your actual birthday and your party at home, you insisted you were still three because you hadn’t had your party yet.

September was a slightly bittersweet month for me. I felt the time passing acutely – aware that you would soon be going back to school and our leisurely mornings trying to decide what to do that day would soon be over. Also, of course, I knew that our baby would soon be here and that that would change things a lot. We were in such a happy, wonderful place with you and our family that part of me didn’t want anything to be different. Of course, we were super excited for our new little girl to arrive but I did feel some sadness that the time alone with you would be coming to an end. I didn’t know exactly when our baby was going to come and I was really hoping that she would let me get you through the beginning of school in case you had a hard time again.

In mid-September we had a quick session in the Silver Room where we got to meet your teachers. You were fantastic with them and seemed to be pretty excited about starting school. Afterwards, we went to Grandpa’s office and to Dylan’s Candy Bar which I guess is now a first day of school tradition. The following week, when school started, you had no problem separating at all. You just went right into the classroom and I was the proudest mommy ever. I can’t believe how far you have come since last year. It is just amazing. The days of school gradually got longer and longer until you had the full day. You couldn’t believe how many things were on the schedule but you were so enthusiastic for everything – even rest! It is so wonderful how enthusiastic you get about things. You heard that you would have your own rest mat and you were so happy. Then there was a field trip to Central Park and you were going to take a school bus there. You couldn’t wait to go on the bus, to see who the driver was going to be. Everything is an exciting adventure. I know that you really love school because the day after our baby came, we gave you a choice to come to the hospital in the morning or to go to school. We were so happy that you chose to go to school and come to the hospital afterwards – it was the better choice for you and really let us know how much you like your class and teachers. We can tell, also, because now you mostly sing the Silver Room song but when you do sing the Sun Room song, you say, “The Sun Roomers are the best – NO! The Sun Roomers are the best – NO!” You’ve told us that the reason you say “No” is because the Silver Roomers are the best.

You are absolutely loving school, your teachers, the Silver Room. You cannot wait to go to school in the morning and there have been a couple Saturdays where you have been disappointed to learn that you wouldn’t be seeing Beryl, Robert and David – your beloved teachers. You do a ton of art in the Silver Room and your love for and skills with drawing and painting have exploded. Most of the things you make at school are for me. I know this because you tell me but also because you write Stella (usually in pink, of course) and Mom (usually in green, of course) on the back so that I absolutely definitely positively know that it is for me and no one else. You have made a few things for Daddy too. And after the baby was born, you started writing all of our names sometimes.

Right before the baby came, you, me and Daddy walked across the Brooklyn Bridge and went for dinner in Brooklyn Heights.
You absolutely love Brooklyn and had such a good time walking on the bridge, seeing the Statue of Liberty, looking out over the water. You love to tell Grandma Helaine that we are moving to Brooklyn. We aren’t completely sure whether this is because you really want to move there or because you know she doesn’t want us to and it is fun to torture her.

Back in May or June, Daddy and I started taking you to the bathroom before we went to bed so that you wouldn’t have any accidents now that you are not wearing diapers at night anymore. It never fails to amaze us that you can pee without waking up. One night as you sat on the toilet not peeing, Daddy whispered in your ear hoping to inspire you, “Stella. It’s Daddy. You can go pee pee” to which you replied, still sleeping, “You go in your teepee!”

You have mastered the monkey bars. You and Dad spent a lot of mornings in the park working on monkey bar skills and then one day you just did them. And now you are really amazing at them. You can even skip every other bar and do a few backwards! Your writing is getting good, your drawing and coloring is fantastic and you are just a delightful kid to be with.

The past month has been largely dominated by your new little sister and Daddy and I cannot believe how well you have adjusted to having her around. We both think she is the luckiest baby ever to be born since she has you as her big sister and protector. You are so loving towards her and it is a really beautiful thing to witness.
Before she got here, when we were still trying to figure out what we were going to call her, you said to Daddy, “What do you think of Sarah? Sarah’s a good name. Or Dogbone.” We really appreciated your input into the whole naming thing even though we chose to call her Vivian.

Thanks for being such a fun and funny daughter. We are having a great time with you.

Love,
Mommy

Big Day

Today is a monumental day for a couple of reasons. First of all, you are now asleep in your first real true "big girl bed". After 4 + years of crib sleeping, you have graduated to a true twin bed. For the past year, the crib has been converted to a toddler bed but still, this feels like a big step. And we've taken it because you so badly want to share your room with your little sister that we had to make a change to give her the crib. To sweeten the deal (not that it appears to need any sweetening since you are so unbelievably excited about all things having to do with little sis -- except how long she is taking to get here!), we got you a beautiful pink canopy/tent that is going over the bed tomorrow.

It is also a big deal day because you finally finally -- after much cajoling and pleading to no avail -- learned how to write a really good "A" and now you can write your name beautifully. For a long time you have been great with the S - T - E - L - L but then your A looked like an "H' with a hat on top. I tried to explain that an A was like a triangle, that you had an extra line in there, etc. etc. but all to no avail. I generally leave you alone with things like this but it seemed so simple and I really tried. Then tonight we were having dinner ( a secular Rosh Hashanah meal) at Minetta Tavern and you were writing your name with crayons on the paper table cloth. I tried to explain the A but you were not interested. Then Daddy said, "Start the second line from the same place where you started the first line." You did it and lo and behold! A perfect "A". The best part, by far, was the amazing look of pride on your face. You had the hugest smile ever. And then you did about twenty great A's and wrote your name lots more. These little moments are the big moments. It was amazing.

To Stella, 3.11 (eeeek almost four)

I just cannot believe that this is the last monthly letter I will write to you as a three year old. Yesterday we were watching Kiki's Delivery Service and Kiki's dad said something about her growing up so fast and I told you that you were too. You said, "Well, I am almost four. I am growing up but I will always be your little girl." One night recently you looked at me with very sad eyes. I asked you what was wrong and you said, "I don't want to live away from you and Daddy even when I'm a big kid." Of course I reassured you that you would not have to and you asked, "Even when I'm eleven?" "Even when you are eleven," I answered. You still looked unconvinced and concerned and finally said, "But you don't still live with Grandma Helaine and Grandpa Paul." I explained that you could live with Dad and me for as long as you wanted. At the moment, of course, you would choose to stay with us forever but I know that will change all too soon (as it should) and I am not looking forward to the day you move out. You are such fun to live with! You also told me not to long ago that you did not want to participate in any after school activities next year unless I can be there because, with school, it is too many things without Mommy. Even as I try to help you feel secure in your ever-increasing independence, I see the days ahead when you want to have as little as possible to do with me. I'm just trying to savor this special time when you adore me, give me tons of hugs and kisses, plead with me not to go when I have to leave you and love me more than anything. I feel the same way about you.

We spent much of the past month in Poughkeepsie because I was directing a play at New York Stage and Film. Before we got there I worried like crazy about how the housing would be for you, which camp to send you to and whether you would like it, what you and Ranny would do when you weren't at camp, etc. etc. I did an awful lot of fretting. And shopping. I bought new toys, flower and Hello Kitty wall appliques to brighten up our on campus apartment, all sorts of things I thought would help make you comfortable and happy. I obsessed endlessly about whether to send you to a supposedly amazing arts camp which you were a little young for or to the camp at the local JCC. Given your history of trouble with separation I agonized over which place would have a greater chance of success. I couldn't bear the thought of you and Ranny just walking around the Vassar campus all day so I was determined to make camp work but I was terrified that it would not. And that I wouldn't have Daddy around to support me if the separation was really difficult. Much of the worry was not necessary because you had such a great, fun attitude from the very start. You were excited to live in a house with stairs, happy to be in the country where it was quiet, excited to see bunnies and deer which were in abundance and extremely curious about your new environment. Daddy spent the first four days with us and you guys had a great time going to the playground, visiting the NYS&F offices and discovering the Vassar campus. You were in this really challenging phase of not listening and being a little rude to people sometimes which we didn't like at all so we got very very strict with you. We told you that if you didn't listen, you would not be allowed to ride your bike all day. And if you didn't listen two times, we would not read any books before bed. Your bike and books -- two precious things you didn't want to lose! We only had to take the bike away once and towards the end of that day, when you really wanted to ride you told daddy, "That was a bad idea! You should have just taken my toys away!" It really worked and your behavior changed a lot. And then we had such a fun time. You loved all the actors and the writer I was working with and seemed to really look forward to picking me up from rehearsal every day. It was so nice when the stage manager opened the door to the rehearsal room at the end of the day and you would run at full speed into my arms. Truth be told I'm not sure which you were more excited about -- seeing me or getting your daily ricola cough drop but it really doesn't matter. No matter how great rehearsal was, seeing you at the end of it was the highlight of the day.

Camp was a pretty good success too. The first week went very well. You had a hard time letting me go the first day but then you became friends with a girl named Hannah and, for the rest of the week, as long as she was there, you were fine to have me go. You liked the counselors, Miss Jackie and Miss Ashley and were very excited to play in the garden. (Strangely, the second week of camp was more difficult for you but I think that was because I was in tech and working longer days so you were seeing a bit less of me the rest of the day.) You did some great art projects and seemed to have a good time. We had a lot of picnic dinners -- eating outside on the grass outside our apartment. The first few days, an Australian family lived next door to us (the mom was a playwright at NYS&F) and they had a five year old daughter named Lucy. You had a lot of fun playing with her. I think the only conflict you guys had was when she beat you in a foot race in which she was wearing flip flops and you were wearing sneakers. You just couldn't believe that someone in bad running footwear could be faster than you. It was no consolation that she was older. After she and her family left, the rest of the time we were in Poughkeepsie, whenever you saw a plane in the sky you said, "Maybe Lucy is on that plane." You really wanted us to have new next door neighbors but no one moved into Lucy's apartment. We did have some other neighbors and whenever you saw anyone outside, you would run to the door and go outside to meet and talk to them. You became unbelievably outgoing. In fact, I don't think you were pretend shy once in Poughkeepsie. It was a pretty drastic turnaround.

You and I often played "Next Door Neighbor" in which we would pretend to be neighbors who met coincidentally on the street and then excitedly greeted each other and went off together to a meeting or to a show or to rehearsal. We also played a lot of babies. Frequently I was the baby and you were the mommy. This was a lot of fun except whenever you wanted me to crawl. Um, sorry, I am seven months pregnant. I don't think so.

Perhaps some of your passion about playing babies stems from the fact that we have a real baby on the way. You could not be more excited about it. You are so excited, in fact, that Dad and I thought you would love to accompany me to a sonogram so that you could see your sister. Ooops. About, oh, six seconds in to the sonogram you declared it boring and later told Grandma Helaine, disappointedly, that it was black and white. But whenever anyone congratulates me you say, "We're having a baby." And you happily talk about your sister all the time, hug and kiss my belly and tell us your plans to share with the baby and hold her if she is crying and feed her, etc. You want to name her Aliza and would settle for Eliza but you have been told that Daddy doesn't like these names so you know it isn't happening. You have, however, named pretty much all of your babies Aliza instead. Our real baby is still without a moniker.

On July 4, there was a full company picnic and we all went. You had such a good time talking to people, playing with bubbles, lawn bowling, getting a golf cart ride and running in the grass with Daddy. In the midst of running with Daddy, however, you were stung by a bee between your toes. You started shrieking, "Mama! Help me!" which was so heart breaking since there was nothing I could do to take away the pain. Someone told us to put mud on it so Daddy frantically tried to dig up grass and dirt but it didn't help and, in fact, only made you miserable. Later you asked me what it was and, not wanting you to have a lifetime fear of bees I answered, "I don't know. I think it was a thorny flower." You answered, "I think it was a bug because I pulled it out from between my toes." So I had to be honest and, remarkably, it hasn't made you frightened of those yellow and black bugs anyway. And now we know that you aren't allergic to bee stings which is good to know. (In fact, it was the only question they asked me about you the first day of camp!)

We came home on my day's off and had great NYC fun. We went to the carousel in Central Park and you rode on a horse instead of the couch for the first time. You wouldn't go without me and you wanted a lot of rides on different horses -- some that went up and down, some that didn't -- so we spent a bloody fortune there but it was totally worth it to see that exhilirating smile on your face as you went around and around. We also went to the Empire State Building, a place you have been eager to visit. You really wanted me to take you to The Statue of Liverty (that's what you call it -- you also call our lobby the "lovvy". I don't have the heart to correct you because it is so cute! You also say "feedbreasting" instead of "breastfeeding" and we have all pretty much adopted this term in the hopes that your cuteness lasts as long as possible) but I had an appointment at the doctor that didn't leave enough time for that expedition.

Spending this month with you was such fun. I was definitely a bit aware of this summer as my last hurrah with you as my only daughter. I am so excited to have another little girl and I know that we are all going to have so much fun together -- that it will end up being better than ever -- but a part of me will miss giving all of myself to you. So having you with me in Poughkeepsie was such fun. I was really aware when we were there that it was a time I would look back on with great fondness, that it would be a happy memory in my time as a mother. I was very glad to be working -- especially on a play I liked so much with a lovely cast -- and knew that it would be my last job for a couple months since the baby is coming in September. But being there with you really made it special. We had such a good time together everyday and I never felt too lonely which out of town work can sometimes be. We skyped with Daddy a lot, Grandma and Grandpa came to visit us and everyone loved having you around --- me especially. You are such a fun companion. I feel very lucky to have you around. I've just got this great, funny, adorable little friend/daughter with me all the time.

I hope you are as much fun as a four year old as you have been as a three year old and thanks for giving me the privilege of being your mom.

I love you.
Love,
Mommy

A Second Hand Story From Poughkeepsie

I am at NYS&F now and have been here since Monday. You and Daddy are coming up tomorrow and I can't wait to see you both. I miss you so much. I came up a couple days early so I could get things set up for your arrival. It has been a ridiculous amount of work -- endless trips to Target and Bed Bath & Beyond and the grocery store. I want so badly for you to have a good time up here. I'm happy to be working one last job before the new baby comes but I miss you terribly and it would be really hard for me to be away from you for much longer.

On Monday night, Daddy told me that you were really sad that I wasn't there so he told you a long story about the Sun Room and how you didn't like it at first and then you kept going back and eventually you loved it. Honestly, I'm not sure what that story had to do with missing me but I know how much you like to hear stories about things that have happened in your life so I bet it calmed you down for awhile. Daddy concluded by telling you, "That which doesn't kill you makes you stronger." After a moment, you turned to him with a puzzled look and asked, "What witch?"

Our Village

Tonight we read seven books before you went to sleep. This is four more than usual and has, I think, established a new precedent that I may never be able to undo. One of the books we read is called "My Daddy and Me" and talks about all the fun things the kids in the book like to do with their dad. Your dad has been working a lot and you really miss him so I think that is why this book is now in the nightly rotation. On one page of the book, a child is sledding and building a snowman with his father. When we got to that page you looked at me with big, desperate eyes and asked, "Mommy, when is it going to snow in our village?"